Harkness – MacGillivray Stories

Of course, there was no such thing as a ‘soft man’ in the 1940s. The soft man was born during the Hippie Age of the late 1960s and 1970s. I think the term is more commonly used in Scandinavia, which is a literal translation of ‘soft man’, that is, ‘myk mann’.

In the 1970s, the term ‘soft man’ arose for a sensitive and understanding, often politically radical man. This is in contrast to selfish ‘macho men’ and old-fashioned ‘family patriarchs’. Soft men were for gender equality and actively participated in family life, housework, and childcare.

My father was certainly helpful around the house. However, he wouldn’t be caught dead washing clothes, feeding the baby, changing diapers, and making the food; in other words, none of the traditional feminine roles in a household. Of course, he would help out with traditional fatherly roles, such as punishing children, fixing  and building things, and so on.

Love discourse during the war

My parents wartime letters were characterized by the ‘wartime discourse of love’ as expressed in the songs of Vera Lynn and Marlene Dietrich. Examples of such were, “Auf Wiederseh’n Sweetheart” and “We’ll meet again.”

Of course, another part of the ‘wartime discourse of love’ was the expression of traditional sexual roles. One of these roles was that men were brutes and women were innocent victims. This is a discourse that had existed for perhaps hundreds of years. I won’t reference this, as this is something which can be confirmed by any Internet search.

But to return to my original point, my father would often admit to being a ‘brute’, a ‘dog’ and a ‘drunk’ in his letters. In other words, he was trying to adopt the traditional male role. Although he didn’t express it explicitly, he implied that her pregnancies were caused by his dog-like and brute behaviour. He wrote this in such a way that he was ‘apologetic’. However, this was a feigned ‘apology’. It was more of a boast. 

But to get back to the original suggestion of the connection between births and alcohol, it seems, without going into details, that most of us (me and my brothers) were born nine months after holiday periods. One can be imagine those usually had more consumption of alcohol.

Who rules today? ‘Soft men’ or ‘Brutes’?

Without going into a lengthy discussion, it seems that the ‘brutes’ have made a comeback. The ‘brute’ ideology is being used in the present day to ‘legitimise’ illegal invasions and the oppression of women and minorities.

“Russia wants to impose and present itself as the main global defender of the traditional and religious; this was visible from their president’s recent speech, yet again stressing that the “war was to protect our children from degradation and degeneration”. The narrative related to “endangered values” is usually used to dispute Western positions related to women’s rights, ethnic and religious minorities and LGBTI+ groups. Frequently, pro-Kremlin experts mock the alleged Western “moral decay” or “dissolute viewpoint”. Russia and Orthodox Christianity have proved to be real defenders of traditional values.”³⁵

Patriarchy

Although patriarchal values seem to dominate in the world today, this is by no means a ‘lost battle’.

As mentioned elsewhere here, so-called ‘soft men’ values have been legislated. For example, in Norway, parents are entitled to a total of 12 months’ leave in connection with the birth and after the birth. These 12 months include the mother’s right to leave for up to 12 weeks during the pregnancy and six weeks of leave reserved for the mother after the birth. In other words, this parental leave also includes men. 

The ‘brutes’ make a comeback

In the developed countries, such as the US, the ‘brutes’ have made a comeback. Thus, the former president Donald Trump who has been convicted of the sexual abuse of columnist E Jean Carroll is still able to run for president; furthermore, he is also absurdly very popular with women Republican voters. Of course, this case of sexual abuse is not an isolated one.

“At least 18 women have accused Donald Trump of varying inappropriate behavior, including allegations of sexual harassment or sexual assault. All but two came forward with their accusations before or during his first bid for the White House.”

Do women prefer ‘brute’ men in today’s world?

This is a popular question. Most of the Hollywood ‘sexual gods’ are, on the whole, not known for their ‘soft values’. The list is long here – one can start in the 1960s with Sean Connery (“James Bond”),  and continue with Harrison Ford, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Clint Eastwood, Sylvester Stallone, and so on. But the present day also has numerous macho men, such as Dwayne Johnson, Hugh Jackman, Brad Pitt, and Jason Statham.

Ironically, many of the ‘macho’ stars were actually homosexual or bi-sexual, such as Cary Grant and Rock Hudson, but they never ‘came out of the closet’. 

Is the ‘soft man’ on the decline?

The recent restrictions on the rights of women suggest that ‘the brute’ is re-emerging. In this context, we can mention the new ‘anti-abortion laws’ in the US, and the ‘victory’ of the Taliban in Afghanistan, prohibiting women from working or receiving an education. This may as well be seen in the oppression of women in Iran; women are raped and killed by governmental forces for not obeying the government’s decrees regarding the dress codes of women.  

What do women like in men today?

If we ignore the political, economic and social consequences of patriarchy in today’s world, what does the woman walking along the street in Los Angeles look for in a man? It seems the ‘global woman’ supports the forces that result in her own oppression. In other words, this is the so-called ‘Uncle Tom syndrome’. In this context, we can refer to the following report that “What women really want is a big, strong barbarian.

Sources

³⁶ https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2023/may/09/e-jean-carroll-wins-trump-trial-verdict Read: 23 May 2023.

³⁷ https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/list-trumps-accusers-allegations-sexual-misconduct/story?id=51956410 Read: 23 May 2023.

³⁸ https://www.context.news/money-power-people/roe-v-wade-which-us-states-are-banning-abortion Read: 23 May 2023.

³⁹ https://www.usip.org/publications/2023/04/taking-terrible-toll-talibans-education-ban Read: 23 May 2023.

⁴⁰ https://www.theguardian.com/global-development/2023/feb/06/iran-protesters-police-rapes-beatings-and-torture Read: 23 May 2023. 

⁴¹ “Uncle Tom syndrome is a theory in multicultural psychology[1] referring to a coping skill in which individuals use passivity and submissiveness when confronted with a threat, leading to subservient behaviour and appeasement, while concealing their true thoughts and feelings.” https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uncle_Tom_syndrome