Harkness – MacGillivray Stories

This photo shows the newlyweds with the bridesmaid and best man. The bridesmaid was my mother’s younger sister, Flora,¹⁸¹⁹ while the best man was Abram Brown.²⁰  

Abram was the lodger at 29 Scotia Street, Glasgow, where my mother lived with her parents and siblings. I recall looking at the photo with my mother when she was in her late seventies or early eighties. She had a good memory.

I asked her, “Who is that man in your wedding photo?”

“That chit! He shuid nae hae bin best man, bit mah brother Alex didn’t shaw up,”²¹ she blurted out annoyed, as if this was something that happened yesterday, and not 60 years ago. 

My mother didn’t often use strong language or utter profanities; ‘chit’ was about the worst she could come up with. She also liked to use the word ‘bugger’. Of course, she didn’t use it in the literal sense of the word.²²

In contrast, my father swore like a sailor (which he was), but only when he was with his mates. He couldn’t do it in the house, where my mother ruled like a strict queen.

The ‘Friendly’ Best Man

“Why was he a chit?” I asked.

“He wis th’ lodger. He wis tae freendly.”²³

Of course, I was slow on the uptake, and I didn’t quite understand what she meant by being ‘friendly’. However, she stated that he was ‘too pally’ with her mother.

Yes, I was very slow on the uptake! But let’s face it, this was not a topic I usually discussed with my mother. Someone smarter than me, however, would understand what being ‘friendly’ meant. When applied to a woman, it could imply that she is a slut.

However, this mystery came to light later on when I was talking to my younger brother Gavin. He knew my mother much better than I did because he lived with her for many years after my father died.

Gavin told me that our grandmother, Morag, had ‘fancy men’.²⁴ However, he used stronger terms, which I will avoid here for the sake of ‘family honour’. Gavin didn’t mention Abram (Abbie) Brown, but now it seems the pieces of the puzzle are finally starting to fall into place – or comically, ‘the jig is up’.

Perhaps, Morag, my grandmother, was carrying on a family ‘tradition’, as her mother Sarah was the illegitimate child of Mary MacKay (see appendix, ‘Birth of Sarah MacKinnon’ [1855]).  

The ‘Little Bugger’ 

The word ‘bugger’, as mentioned above, is interesting because it has different meanings in the north and south of Britain.  I recall having this particular conversation with my mother:

Ian: I’m thinking of including a photo of you and your mother at Acharacle, the one where a little girl in a sailor’s hat was with you.

Rhoda: Oh yes, her parents weren’t married. Her father was Willie MacGillivray. My grandparents raised her, although Willie paid for her expenses. The mother had an affair with Willie while her husband was away. In her teens she stayed with my father’s sister. She was a little bugger. Perhaps she took advantage of the elderly grandmother (Conversation with mum, 31 October 2007).

¹⁸ Flora was the third of three children. My mother told me that her mother always used to say to Flora, “I only wanted two children, but then you came along!” The character of Morag, my grandmother, gradually emerges from the conversations I had with my mother – she seemed to be a feisty and independent woman, but not always concerned with other people’s feelings – and not overly concerned about being liked by everyone either, a characteristic she seems to share with some of her descendants. 

¹⁹ Flora was the third child. My mother used to tell me that her mother always used to say, “I only wanted to have two children, and then you came along!” Of course, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tea. Her third child my elder brother Alistair got the same treatment, as he was treated with disregard and treated unfairly by her throughout his life, and she encouraged her sons to do the same – although not all the sons towed the line, although they would do if it was to their advantage, especially after her death.

²⁰ My mother’s youngest sister, Violet, has ‘Brown’ for her middle name. Violet was born in 1932 at 12 Vulcan Street, Glasgow. Her given name on her marriage certificate (1956) is Violet Brown MacGillivray (29 Scotia Street) – the ‘Brown’ middle name is not included on her birth certificate. Perhaps she acquired the middle name from the lodger Abram (Abbie) Brown – exactly why is unclear. The ‘lodger’ Abbie Brown was also the ‘best man’ at my mother’s wedding ceremony.

²¹ “That chit. He should not have been best man, but my brother Alex didn’t show up.”

²² A person who penetrates the anus of someone during sexual intercourse.

²³ “He was too friendly.”

²⁴ A man that a woman is having a sexual relationship with, but is not married to, and which often involves some financial gain for the woman.